Dean's Blog

As I was heading into work this morning I was recalling a few other things from my early days in Elementary school. Most of them from Grade One.

My teacher was always threatening us with death whenever he didn’t want us doing something. For Example, someone had their chin propped up in their hand, when he suddenly screams out: “Melita! Don’t do that! You’re going to push your teeth up into your brain and die!”

We had chairs and desks that were attached together, and the girl who barfed in my previous entry had tied the tassles of her shorts to the desk. She got yelled at for that because: “What if there was a fire? You couldn’t escape because you’ve tied yourself to your desk and would be burned alive!”

Other threats were uttered, like the all the kids who’ve had their legs and arms ripped off under the merry-go-round, and don’t touch the water fountain because you’ll get mononucleosis and die. Of course, the water in the fountain only came up about a quarter inch from the riser, forcing direct contact, and there was always some sweaty rotund fellow endlessly slurping away at the fountain at the front of the line.

Come to think of it, my grandparents were also threatening me with death. One grandma told me not to stick my arm out of the window, not because it would get cut off and I would die, but the even more convoluted reasoning that I would get an air bubble in my bloodstream, which would get into my brain and I would die. Grandpa was always saying that sugar was poison, and I shouldn’t eat anything my grandma baked.