Dean's Blog

I like driving. It is fun, and I get to listen to tunes while travelling around. Lately however, driving in Calgary has become quite a drag. Recently the Traffic Infrasturcture dudes said that they were baffled that there was 50 thousand more cars on the road than they had projected, and that it was increasing by about 115 cars per day, which puts our road capacity about 10 years behind the current need, and results in a lot of problems with traffic.

Construction abounds, and there are often lanes closed.. with no one working in them.. They are just closed because the Calgary Insanity Committee decided it would be a great addition to their Calgary Stress Experiments. They dropped a few mutilated bodies from some black helicopters last week. Anyhow, if this city was a colon, which it is, and traffic was an obstruction, which it is.. I’d say this place needs an enema. With angry bees in it.

And don’t ever drive the speed limit. If you do, instantly there is someone riding your butt, usually an old granny ( or young punk) with angry eyebrows and a little dog on her lap, and she is very upset that you are obeying the law. Exasperated glaring and driving really close to you, some sort of intimidation game. I know what she is trying to do, so of course I don’t give her any leeway, and sometimes slow down a bit, due to, you know, small rocks on the road and other dangerous things like painted lines that could be slippery. Or maybe drive in such a fashion that there is always a car beside me so that she can’t pull into that lane and pass. So after a few kilometers of torturing her ego, I move over a lane and she does the loser flyby.. up to the next vehicle that is driving the speed limit, for a few more kilometers. Did you accomplish anything? Are you further ahead? No, you’re just being a moron and you’re proud of it, with your sense of acomplishment for gaining 50 feet of pavement. Maybe your little doggy will give you distemper.

I am sure that the Calgary Insanity Committee knows that I am on to their little games, and sooner or later they will dry to push me down an elevator shaft onto some bullets, but until then, I will continue to evade their attempts to enslave my mind! In your face, Flanders!