Dean's Blog

I like going to the movies.  For me, it is a favourable way to spend a few hours.  It’s usually a comfortable chair, a bag of popcorn, entertainment, and no need to talk to anyone.  However there are often things about the experience that tend dull the mood.  For instance, beyond the queue at the box office desk, there is the lines for the consession stands.  Now, for some reason, all the fast food joints have figured out that most of the time, if there is a person taking your order at the cash register, that someone else should be making the fries and filling the drinks.  Why do movie theatres not do this?  the same guy who takes my order has to go stand in line at the popcorn machine, and then he comes back to put my popcorn on the counter, then he fills my drink, then he puts that on the counter, followed by fetching my milk duds or whatever.  It seems to me that if they had a few runners who fill orders, that things would go faster.  You could place your order, and move to the next station to receive your order.   Oh well, perhaps my logic is flawed.

The other annoying thing is the people.  I love it when I get to sit in a nearly empty theatre.  There are no annoying teenage girls flapping their lips about "ohmigosh r u kidding me??" and "totally serious".  There are no stupid guys kicking seats, and no old hens clucking about their ovaries and the guy at the office who steals pens.  Usually, I am stuck in a fairly full theatre, which is full of these sorts of characters.  It’s worse when they can’t shut their traps during the film, and then have to repeat every line to each other because they were not paying attention.  I also enjoy it when people insist on flipping open their phones to check text messages or the time, or play dating simulators or whatever during the movie, illuminating the audience in a lovely blue glow.  Then there are those who can’t blow their nose and have to sniffle loudly and constantly for 2 hours.  Man, I really love those people, along with the candy bag rustlers and the empty beverage musical straws.

When I go the the movies, I am prepared.  My cell phone is left at home because there is no way in hell I am answering the phone while I am watching a movie.  I bring kleenex so that I don’t have to sniffle and snort snot through an entire movie, and a go to the bathroom 5 minutes before showtime in order to not have to get up in the middle of the movie. 

So, the next time your are at the theatre trying to evacuate the last molecule of soda from your empty beverage container, and making a terrible racket with your straw, if you hear the sound of cracking knuckles, pay it no mind, I’m sure checking the time on your cell phone and then whispering loudly to your friend will make it go away.