Dean's Blog

Well this morning I knew I was doomed when the bus driver passed me a transfer that was good for 4.5 hours. It didn’t quite take that long, but after waiting a rather long time downtown, wasting my life and absorbing second hand smoke, the bus pulled up, informed everyone that he was 45 minutes late, and then 5 minutes later the driver got out to use the toilet. Then he said that they were only making one stop on coach hill because there was a big pileup of city and school buses at the bottom of one of the hills.

So, I got dropped off about a mile away from work, and got a bit of exercise, arriving 30 minutes late. And indeed I could see the cop cars and buses strewn all over the road, which was kind of cool, like Godzilla had been there.

So today I read in the electronic edition of a local paper, which yes I am too cheap to pay for, that a local Calgary Alderman is wanting the transit system to use GPS tracking on it’s buses so we all know when things are out of whack.

I think this is a great idea, and I suggested it many many posts ago. However, the sad truth is that transit officials know that everything is always out of whack, and I highly doubt that they will permit real tracking information to the ridership.

For example, this morning while riding the train the friendly voice that tells you what station you are arriving at came on with a ” -ding- Olympic Plaza Station,” which was followed by the driver coming over the intercom with (insert Scottish accent) “I don’t think that thing is quite right, it’s Olympic Plaza Station.”

But back to GPS, if they can tie it into the teleride system so that instead of telling you that three busses have come and gone in the 45 minutes that you have been waiting at the bus stop, it would mention about a delay, or problem. According to ‘insider information’ they have a huge staffing shortage, and busses are constantly breaking down on the way to their routes. I guess the yearly fare increases don’t go towards equipment or manpower, but the dark overlords and their black hole of red tape expense at middle management.

This morning while riding the last bus on my three-connecting route to work, the driver stopped suddenly at the side of the road and ran into a nearby 7-Eleven. I thought by the pace of his stride that he had some upset baked burrito about to erupt from the nether regions, but as it turns out, he sauntered back out some minutes later with a huge mug of Coffee and a big bag of snacks.

No wonder I’m forever waiting at the bus stop. It’s a good thing brain surgeons don’t do that.. “Ok, here is the most delicate part of the operation, and the whole point of our being here inside this guys head.. oh hey I need a coffee (15 minutes later) aahh, right, let’s close him up.” Doctor gets his snack, patient spends the rest of his life thinking he is a pigeon.

Ahh cold snowy weather. It’s interesting that Calgary has a snow removal system that is based on Chinooks, which are warming trends that happen now and again during the winter. They budget with the hopes that the snow will just go away by itself every few weeks to avoid the additional costs of snow removal, and it shows. I noticed last night as I drove home that there had been a weak attempt to clear the snow along Shaganappi and John Laurie Blvd, as there were blade marks and snow pushed off to the sides of the road. However, there was no attempt whatsoever of actually scraping the ice off of the road, but in fact more of what we call “high blading”, whereupon the snowplow or grader operator raises the blade a few inches off of the road surface so he doesn’t have to go as slow. It pushes off a bit of lose snow, but does nothing for the compacted ice that is all over the place.

The real reason however would be something along the lines of this: Calgary roads have so many undulating potholes, ridges, and bumps that actually trying to scrape along the surface of the road would cause great damage to either the blade of the snowplow or the road itself. Either that, or the operator was hired as a snowplow operator and it is against union rules to plow ice. Trigger finger insurance companies probably pay off city planners to ensure that intersections happen at the bottom of ridiculous hills, such as Bow Trail crossing Sarcee heading east. It’s like a ski jump out there, not a stitch of gravel, and yet you would think it would be a priority. Meanwhile, City Hall is in la la land, dancing around in pink fairy costumes saying: “Traffic problems? Snow? Where? ooh imported punch and pie..”

The day before yesterday I was coming home on the bus, and traffic was so backed up, that the driver of the bus behind us was able to get out of his bus, walk up to the front of our bus, and get on board, talk to the driver, and then go back to his bus during a green light. It creates this interesting paradox. You don’t want to take transit because you freeze to death waiting for the late bus, or the train that is late because someone puked at the station 20 Kilometres away. (And by the way, when the trains are delayed, Transit does not take steps to compensate by adding a few extra busses at the end of the line). You don’t want to drive because it takes you 2 hours to get anywhere, and a fortune to park, and people are needlessly driving like idiots. That gap in front of my car is so I don’t crash into the guy in front of me, not for you to merge into.

City hall just approved a 4% tax hike in addition to last years hike. I don’t know where the money goes, but there sure seems to be a lot of blockheads designing and planning our city these days. Major interchanges with traffic lights 2 blocks away, major roadway projects that don’t actually add any extra capacity or speed, building roads instead of freeways. the list goes on, and I’m tried of typing about it.

For today anyways

I like driving. It is fun, and I get to listen to tunes while travelling around. Lately however, driving in Calgary has become quite a drag. Recently the Traffic Infrasturcture dudes said that they were baffled that there was 50 thousand more cars on the road than they had projected, and that it was increasing by about 115 cars per day, which puts our road capacity about 10 years behind the current need, and results in a lot of problems with traffic.

Construction abounds, and there are often lanes closed.. with no one working in them.. They are just closed because the Calgary Insanity Committee decided it would be a great addition to their Calgary Stress Experiments. They dropped a few mutilated bodies from some black helicopters last week. Anyhow, if this city was a colon, which it is, and traffic was an obstruction, which it is.. I’d say this place needs an enema. With angry bees in it.

And don’t ever drive the speed limit. If you do, instantly there is someone riding your butt, usually an old granny ( or young punk) with angry eyebrows and a little dog on her lap, and she is very upset that you are obeying the law. Exasperated glaring and driving really close to you, some sort of intimidation game. I know what she is trying to do, so of course I don’t give her any leeway, and sometimes slow down a bit, due to, you know, small rocks on the road and other dangerous things like painted lines that could be slippery. Or maybe drive in such a fashion that there is always a car beside me so that she can’t pull into that lane and pass. So after a few kilometers of torturing her ego, I move over a lane and she does the loser flyby.. up to the next vehicle that is driving the speed limit, for a few more kilometers. Did you accomplish anything? Are you further ahead? No, you’re just being a moron and you’re proud of it, with your sense of acomplishment for gaining 50 feet of pavement. Maybe your little doggy will give you distemper.

I am sure that the Calgary Insanity Committee knows that I am on to their little games, and sooner or later they will dry to push me down an elevator shaft onto some bullets, but until then, I will continue to evade their attempts to enslave my mind! In your face, Flanders!

Calgary Transit Rider Subtypes.. There are many different varieties, but two come to mind more than others. On one end are the Plodders, those who see no need to hurry, and also no need to keep to one side of the causeway or stairs. They stay right in the middle and slowly walk forward (known as plodding), while also usually carrying several bags to assist them in blocking the people behind them who realy need to get to the bus or train in a hurry. This problem is multiplied by the fact that the stairs leading up to train station causeways are usually only wide enough for two people to stand abreast, meaning that there is no way to quickly pass by without shoving said Plodder over the railing, which would likely lead to some kind of fine.

The other subtype is the Squeezer. This specimen has developed a knack for attempting to squeeze ahead of you while you are standing in line, even if there is only an inch of space between you (as you have carefully calculated where the door of the train will stop) and the train as it rolls in. Less skilled Squeezers practice this with the bus rather than the c-train, usually by stepping off of the sidewalk onto the road and moving along between the curb and the bus in order to get past all the people who have been standing in line, in an attempt to get a seat without waiting.

So today I was standing at the platform at SAIT, due to a morning workout at the Wellness Centre. I was minding my own business when this lady sort of staggers off of a northbound train, and sort of wanders bleary eyed in a semi circle for a few seconds, before saying: “Where am I?”.

Of course, all sorts of scenarios could have lead up to this moment, but the most likely one under the circumstances was that she was new to the train and fell asleep, answering the question: What happens if you fall asleep on the train and miss your stop. The obvious answer is that you will end up somewhere you don’t want to be. Anyways, in response to her open question, I told her she was at SAIT, although I think I could have said Airdrie station and she would have been just as clueless, despite the large signs that say SAIT everywhere. She then suggested that she had missed downtown completely, to which I responded that she had, and then instructed her that southbound trains approach the west side of the platform, and that she should take the next one.

The other less interesting but more common experience I have on the C-Train is noticing that there is always someone who resembles Luke Skywalker. Very Interesting.

So, here is how I got to work today:

I left the house at 7:08 am.

Caught the 428 bus at 7:16 am.

Got to Whitehorn at 7:41 am.

Left Whitehorn on a City Center Train at 7:45 am.

Got to 1st Street West station at 8:05 am, and decided to take the Number 13 bus, which would leave at 8:15.

The 13 arrives at 8:15, and breaks down.

8:25 am, catch a Westbound train at 1st street west.

8:30 am, wait for Number 2 bus at 8th street and 8th ave SW, notice a large crowd also waiting.

8:45 am, give up on the bus, start walking to work.

8:50 am, get passed by 2 Number 13 and 2 Number 2 busses.

8:56 am, got to work and blog about my transit ride in.

I think if some outside society ever wanted to overthrow a large city in America, (yes, Canada is on the American Continent) all they would have to do is spread a cm of snow over all the streets. I wasted my life for half an hour this morning, waiting for the number 2 which I knew would never come, but the longer I waited, the angrier I got. When I got to the stop, Tele-Ride said “next bus in 3 minutes”. I guess what they actually meant to say was “just enough time to drive you batty, buddy”. So, at 9:00, after 30 minutes of standing around a horde of screamagers who were also waiting for the bus, I walked to work. It’s not a long walk, it takes about 12 - 15 miutes depending on how many stop’n’gawkers are on the sidewalks.

It’s just that infuriating moment where you wait for the bus, past the point of “I could have walked there by now”. It’s like I want to stab out my brain with a pickle fork or something. Dreams of an organized riders union danced through my head as I stomped off to work. TRAC it could be called. Transit Riders Association of Calgary, or something like that.

This isn’t a Calgary Transit blog entry. The only relation to CT this entry has is that when I get off the train at the 8th Street West Station, I have to hold my breath for half a block.

I don’t know what it is, but that particular block of town reeks beyond compare. The sidewalk and walls are covered in black grease, and it smells really bad. I don’t know if it’s just the McDonalds that is there, or the combination of people who are constantly milling about and making shady deals or what, but it seriously needs some power scrubbers, bleach, soap, firehoses, and vaccuum trucks to suck up the sludge. Either that, or some napalm. Very few things make me want to hurl, but the cloud of pungent stench that permeates everything around that block is absolutely vile.

Well that time has come. I’m afriad we cannot run from winter any longer, like it or not, it is beginning to rear it’s ugly head. Of course, in this city that means delays getting anywhere.

The thing that I find strange is that during the summer, most Calgarians forget how to drive in the winter. So, when the snow and ice comes, they’re all wondering why they don’t have any traction and are sliding all over the place. They slam on the brakes and go sliding through intersections, and then when the light turns green, they stomp on the gas and spin their wheels like crazy, while not moving an inch (that’s 2.54 centimetres Doug).

It’s always a cause for morning commute chaos. The CT bus drivers are no different, although after looking at the tires they put on the busses (supersmooth ultra hard 900 million miles on these tires tires) I suppose some of the blame can go on lack of equipment. Out bus did spin out at every stop on the way to the train station this morning, which provided a lovely chiropractic adjustment as it bounced around scraping for traction.

I’ll be putting on the winter wheels tonight, which takes about 30 minutes. I’ve had a set of summer wheels and a set of winter wheels (With Nordic Trac tires this time around) for my car since 1999. It’s a worthwhile investment, especially considering the extremes of weather in this part of the province, and long stretches of prairie that continually blast us with snow and ice.

Bring it on!