Dean's Blog

What a car this is. While I won’t get into how I manged to get my hands on one of these for a week of commuting and other car related activities, I did think it would be good to express my feelings about this particular vehicle.

First off there is the exterior styling, certainly the first thing that comes to mind with any automobile. This car, is devoid of any styling at all. It’s much like looking for a plush leather armchair on the dark side of the moon. On the inside things aren’t much better. The interior is a massive cobbling of varied bits and shapes of grey plastic, most of which look and feel like they came out of the bottom of a shower stall. The seats are comfortable in a fashion similar to the comfort a goat would feel in the jaws of a starving crocodile. The instrument panel is placed in an ergonomic fashion, smack in the center of the dash, so that is it easy to see if you happen to be constantly driving in right handed circles.

But really, you can usually forgive a car for odd looks and pathetic interior if it performs well enough. This car is equipped with a 140 Brake horsepower 2.2 litre ecotec 4 cylinder engine, mated to a 5 speed Getrag manual gearbox. And when you depress the incredibly long and heavy clutch, clunk the lever into gear, and press the accelerator to allow the engine to gird it’s loins, you are met with what I can honestly call a cry for mercy. Whereupon engaging the power train to get the car moving, the Ion does not move like a charged particle, rather it is a neglected and bloated dairy cow with mastitis. First is the wheel hop, which is excessive, next is the engine’s refusal to drop RPM in any expedient fashion, followed by the shuddering cacophony of a cheap General Motors car. There is no acceleration to mention, and the ability to get the car’s limited power to the ground comes up quite short. There is no torque steer to speak of, which is a positive thing in most cases, but the reason here is because there isn’t enough engine torque to initiate such phenomena.

Under driving conditions the car is what it is, plastic. It understeers quite excrementally, the visibility over the chunks of plastic around the bottom of the a-pillar is minimal, and it squeaks a lot. Power is marginally adequate for a driver only, but put in a passenger or two, and you notice the difference. Overall it just feels like this car was designed by accountants, rather than engineers who are passionate about the motoring experience. It feels like the drive train of a small pickup shoved under the hood of a car that was designed with nobody particular in mind. It comes off like an apple that’s gone mealy, it looks acceptable from a distance, but up close, you want no part of it.

I think that is a great line. These past few days have had me wanting to stab out my eyes. It’s called having multiple projects all going on at the same time, and each client assuming that they all have first dibs on top priority, and me getting all the heat for not having computer resources that aren’t limited by the laws of physics.

Then I wonder to myself, why am I working for the man, when I could be working for myself, have much less overhead than the man, and make way more dollars? There is no logical reason, other than a lack of client base to support said self in such profitable circumstances. So, that’s the answer then I guess. Be my own boss… someday… soon.

So today I read in the electronic edition of a local paper, which yes I am too cheap to pay for, that a local Calgary Alderman is wanting the transit system to use GPS tracking on it’s buses so we all know when things are out of whack.

I think this is a great idea, and I suggested it many many posts ago. However, the sad truth is that transit officials know that everything is always out of whack, and I highly doubt that they will permit real tracking information to the ridership.

For example, this morning while riding the train the friendly voice that tells you what station you are arriving at came on with a ” -ding- Olympic Plaza Station,” which was followed by the driver coming over the intercom with (insert Scottish accent) “I don’t think that thing is quite right, it’s Olympic Plaza Station.”

But back to GPS, if they can tie it into the teleride system so that instead of telling you that three busses have come and gone in the 45 minutes that you have been waiting at the bus stop, it would mention about a delay, or problem. According to ‘insider information’ they have a huge staffing shortage, and busses are constantly breaking down on the way to their routes. I guess the yearly fare increases don’t go towards equipment or manpower, but the dark overlords and their black hole of red tape expense at middle management.

This morning while riding the last bus on my three-connecting route to work, the driver stopped suddenly at the side of the road and ran into a nearby 7-Eleven. I thought by the pace of his stride that he had some upset baked burrito about to erupt from the nether regions, but as it turns out, he sauntered back out some minutes later with a huge mug of Coffee and a big bag of snacks.

No wonder I’m forever waiting at the bus stop. It’s a good thing brain surgeons don’t do that.. “Ok, here is the most delicate part of the operation, and the whole point of our being here inside this guys head.. oh hey I need a coffee (15 minutes later) aahh, right, let’s close him up.” Doctor gets his snack, patient spends the rest of his life thinking he is a pigeon.

Over the years I have worked at several desks, most of which have been particle board assemblies of little function or value. Over the years the amount of hardware at my desk has increased rather alarmingly. For example, my current (at work) desk, which is an Ikea special, hosts 22 bits of hardware related to video post-production. I get an electromagnetic tan everytime I sit down and turn things on in the morning. You can probably detect the electromagnetic field from space. There is no keyboard tray, because modern companies don’t seem to like the added expense of a keyboard tray at the expense of your wrists. The mouse is a BALL MOUSE!!! Ball mice are meant for Soviet military scientists back in the 80’s. I secretly have an optical mouse hidden away though, but it’s a secret, shhh.

To make a long post short. The desk is not comfortable, too high and too square. The chair comes from, I don’t know, the Marquis De Sade section of Staples office supply.

My home workstation is not much better, although it is positioned much more as a graphics workstation than post, it’s a The Brick floor special that I picked up for around $70.00. You know, those crappy miniature half circle desks that have a hutch, a printer stand, a place to work on papers, and absolutely no storage space whatseover? No drawers, no cabinets, nothing. I’ve since ripped off the hutch, and the printer stand, and being as it was a floor model, I had to replace all the particle board screws with bolts that were drilled through. So, anyways, the Wife suggests that I build a custom desk. I’ve done this before for the Mother-in-Law, and truthfully I was sad to see it leave my garage. I’d like to build a new one for myself, but the room that the Wife and I are set up in is not an office, it’s a spare bedroom, which will likely become a baby room some time in the future, as I’ve been getting a lot of demands for a baby in the last 6 months or so. The Wife and I differ a bit on this subject, as she has a rather romantic view of baby life, and I have a very realistic view of no sleep, no money, baby crap (stuff) everywhere, no time, no energy, no life. But then most of those things apply right now, so why not add a little more onto the pile? :)

I am slowly developing the basement, and scoping out an (“yes honest, it’s going to be a 4th bedroom honey”) area for computer space. This will be the ultimate hidey hole, until suddenly there is need for the 4th bedroom, and I’ll be relegated to the space under the stairs. Time will tell.

Well, I managed to make it through another Holiday Season with only minor cuts and bruises. My wife and I made a pact that from December 29 to January 2 we would lock the doors, close the curtains, shut off the cell phones, unplug the land lines, and basically avoiding all human contact. We had stocked up on food and supplies, movies, and were not coming out.

Drastic measures, but what can you do when you hate the phone, and it averages 14 calls on a Saturday starting at 6:30 am.

It sort of brings up a curious question, such as, how did people survive before the telephone was a common household item? Were postal workers only weakened by Kryptonite? Well, perhaps, but the more plausible reason that people were tougher in those days. They could deal with small problems without outside contact, and if they couldn’t deal with the problem, they were ususally found when the snow melted in the spring.

In other news I’ve just about finished with the subfloor in the basement, and I managed to upgrade my home theatre system to high definition with 6.1 channels of DTS goodness. I’ve managed to avoid playing online games for the last 4 months or more, and given up the life-absorbing role playing world altogether. It’s nothing but Call of Duty and Enemy Territory for me. If I had a choice of Magic Missile verses Rocket Propelled Grenade against a Dragon or Panzerkampfwagen, I’d choose the Rocket Propelled Grenade. See, if a magic missile fails, you can’t use it to bludgeon your opponent. I’m all for the fighting chance, and firepower, calling in artillery and air support is much more satisifying. It’s somewhat ironic that I’ve started reading Naomi Novik’s books then isn’t it? Gunpowder and Dragonscales, sounds like a great omlette.

Just a little self indulgent moment to say goodbye to a classmate of mine from college, who passed away a few days ago. It’s really a tragic reminder that your number can be up at any moment. Thanks for the memories, Kim.

Catch you on the flip side.

Well, the year is coming to a close, and as I reflect upon it, the thought came across my mind that I should give some recognition to a few of the very best things from 2006.

Top Television Show: Top Gear!

Ahh Top Gear, which can be watched if you have BBC Canada or BBC 2 from England. Best show around. It’s a car show, but it’s a fantastic one at that. I mean, where else would the word Chlamydia be used to describe a relationship to a car? Where else would they race a car against an airplane from the south of France to London, and the car wins? Highly entertaining and very informative. Some of it could even save your life. Check it out on You Tube if you don’t get it on TV.

Top Game: Liars Dice.

Liars Dice, also known as Pirates Dice, wat popularized by this summers Pirates of the Caribbean, Dead Man’s Chest. It was actually fairly popular back in the 50’s but then so were family values and things like being neighbourly. I’ve found this to be a greate game for a small groupd of friends, and have played many hours into the night beside the campfire with this one.

Top Food in a leading role: Massaman Curry at Da Lat on 17th ave.

This stuff was great, and was the best curry I’ve had all year. Thanks to Charles and Mike for that one. Great flavour.

Top Movie: Fearless

It was in Mandarin, subtitled, and a little quirky, but it hit home for me. A lot of heart in this one. Great popcorn too.

Top Food in a snacking role: Popcorn

I can’t get enough of this stuff, especially at the theatre, although finding out that the stuff from the theatre is about 3000 calories per bag due to the oil content, I’ll be stepping away from that one. Kernels provides some great items on their menu, and good old homestyle popcorn still does it too.

Top Place to Purchase Ties: Winners

Lots of the best designer brand names, for half the price of designer stores. It’s a crapshoot sometimes, but I usually find a few I like.

Car of the Year: Aston Martin DBS

It has looks, style, a great engine and gearbox, they crashed three making the latest James Bond movie, and it isn’t nearly as outlandish at most supercar offerings such as the Pagani Zonda.

More Realistic Car of the Year: Jeep Liberty CRD

Functional, fun, can actually go off road, and with the Diesel Engine, phoenomenal torque for towing, and amazing fuel economy. No straining to get up the hills with this car. Swan song however, as they are no longer producing the Diesel version due to changes in environmental law. Pity. New Liberty model based off of the Dodge Nitro platform may have a new version of the Diesel Engine come 2008 or so.

Candy of the Year: Hot Tamales

I love these little pills of potency. They made them extra hot for 2006 and I think it’s a great way to have 2 seconds of distraction from the mundane world of work, taxes, and lack of sleep.

That’s it for now, and yes I know the list isn’t ten items long, but think of it more like real life. A $3000.00 raise in salary only really equals about 50 bucks a month take home. Not really all that great once reality sets in.

Next up will be the worst things of 2006.

Here is a quote from Richard Hammond, one of the hosts of my favourite television show of all time, Top Gear! (The real version shown on BBC in England, not the boring Americanized version)

“Now, this is really quite simple, ok? Understeer works like this: (moving a model of a Ford Focus) you drive down the road, turn the wheel, but the car goes straight on, crashes into a tree and you die. OVERsteer works like this: (moving a model of a BMW series 3) you drive down the same bit of road, turn the wheel, but the back of the car comes round like this (showing how the car does a 180), and you go off the road, crash into a tree and you die. Now, oversteer is best, because you don’t see the tree that kills you.”

That’s great! Anyhow, on to the part of my blog where I complain about something. As most Calgarians have probably come to realize by now, driving in Calgary is like driving in hell, only instead of endlessly burning to death but never dying from it, you’re stuck in endless construction zones sandwiched between a big SUV driven by some lipstick applying woman in pink, and a minivan that is being used as a house.

Then there is the invariable sign that says, left lane closed ahead. So, naturally I move over to the right lane, as to avoid the left lane, which is closed ahead. Did I mention it is closed ahead? I feel the need to repeatedly mention that the left lane is closed ahead because of the huge amount of morons who continue to drive in the left lane, right to the utmost final inch of space before they have to merge into the right lane of traffic which has been very happy until this lethargic latecomer from the left hand path came along. Not only that, but dozens of other morons have also piled up into the left lane, and now expect the ones who noticed that the lane was closed and had moved into the right lane, to now make room, so that they can merge in. As if we don’t know what you’re up to, flapping about like you should deserve to get ahead in traffic because you took the lane less travelled by. I’ll give them room near the sign that said left lane closed ahead, but if they are trying to merge after they had ample time and are now stuck at the barricade, then too bloody bad.

This morning I woke up naturally. Meaning, I just opened my eyes and looked around. I thought to myself, wow, what a great sleep. I feel fantastic. This is amazing, I feel rested, I feel relaxed, and I don’t feel stressed at all. I rolled over and looked at my clock, which said 6:30. Huh, that is really something, I feel fantastic, and it’s only 6:30. I could sleep for another hour. I rolled over the other way and adjusted my pillow. It was too good to be true. Then I noticed that it seemed to be a little bright out for 6:30 am. I slowly peered over my wife’s shoulder to get a peek at her clock, which brightly beamed 8:30.

Crap! I should have been on my way to work ten minutes ago. Thus comes the flying out of bed and rapid-fire morning preparations.

It always happens that way though. If I ever wake up on a weekday in the morning and feel good, I’ve slept in. It’s just a fact of life. If I wake up to the screeching and blaring of the alarm and feel like my head has been run over by a garbage truck, then everything is as it should be. My body has the ability to turn off blaring alarms though, without consulting the part of my brain that pays the bills, especially when it becomes used to where all the buttons are. So I think that my alarm did go off at 6:30, when it is set to go off the first time, followed by an hour of hitting the snooze button. My hand must have reached over and instead of hitting the snooze button, decided to hit the alarm set switch instead. This has happened many times in the past. In fact my last alarm clock had the snooze button and all other potential sleep-in inducing buttons removed.

Time for drastic measures, or I could stop being an idiot and go to sleep early, like I say I am going to do every night, but never accomplish.

I find it quite something that I haven’t stepped foot into a single store for Christmas Shopping this year and my shopping is 95% complete. Not because I’ve shopped online, but because my Wife has been shopping for the both of us. That’s a definite bonus, because I cannot stand the crazies that come out of the woodwork during the November - December shopping season, with their big woolly coats, and slowly plodding along, taking up all the space in the rows and using up valuable oxygen.